The Ugly

Breaking up the aforementioned "bad" of Manila, was the ugly that one Stephanie Sam Clark and I brought. The Philippines, you see, is home to a charming drinking establishment by the name of Hobbit House. Word on the street is that it was founded by a German expat and staffed by only little people. Having made back his initial investment and then some, the founder gave the business over to his employees. The slogan is "The Smallest Waiters in the World" and I can say with more than moderate confidence that this is true.
Besides the uniquely attributed employees, this bar has as its claim to fame an extensive selection of import beers - 100 to be exact. Coming from Korea, this was especially exciting. Eager to select a beer that we had been missing over the past 5 months, Stiff and I reached for the list only to behold the most tempting of deals.

Drink 5 import beers and get a free Hobbit House T-Shirt, you say? Don't mind if we do! So, Stiff and I set off on what we aimed to make a worldwide sampling of tasty brews. We decide to start off in Canada with some of our home and native land's Moosehead. I think it was sometime after this first beer that we decided to chronicle the 5 different beers and commemorate each and every one of them with a new hairstyle and unflattering photo.

We followed Moosehead with Kingfisher from India, Brahma from Brazil, Caffreys from Northern Ireland and finished with Singha from Thailand. So you see, it was with the sweet hair styles that we did indeed bring the Ugly...and the Cousin It...

Also, apart from the obvious sweet novelty of the joint coupled with the beer for T-Shirts deal, the bar was memorable on its own. They had amazing live music and atmosphere that prompted us to stay well beyond seeing the bottom of the last of our five foreign bottles of beer.

The Bad.

The title of this entry is not to suggest that there was anything bad about the trip, besides it ending, of course. It's actually in reference to balance that Lazer, Stiff, and I chose to strike between the paradise of the 'Ppines and more of the reality.

A lot of the SK Waygooks headed straight for Boracay. Fair. It is quite legitimately heaven. Our little group decided it best to see some of the mainland as well, so we spent the first few and the last few days in Manila. I'm glad we went did, but it was not all good. Parts of it were heartbreaking and one of us ended up breaking down while inside a convenience store. The three of us had gone into the Mini Stop to get water and, let's be honest, Pringles for the night. Just to get into the store, we had to step over and around families on the street - primarily emaciated mothers carrying one or more children. Having been warned against it countless times before arriving, we refrained from giving them money but picked up a few snacks and milk for them while inside the store. They watched through the doors and must have realized what we were doing because by the time we'd all left to distribute our meagre donations, the group outside had tripled. Devastating.

I also realized in Manila that there was the silverest of linings to my getting robbed in Vietnam. I sincerely believe having safely returned from the Philippines that had I not been mugged in Nam, I would have gotten absolutely stripped clean in Manila. Thankfully, I was freshly paranoid and nothing happened. We were constantly carrying our purses like footballs a la Joan Prymack, and we had distributed our money all over our bodies. These precautions proved to be far from unnecessary and at one point I physically removed a boy's hand from my pocket. He was in up to his elbow with his left hand while his right hand was fully visible in front of my face begging for money. I have no doubt that had we not been hyper careful, bad things would have happened especially since we were the ONLY white people in Manila, 3 white chicks, at that.

Apart from strictly observing the poverty and corruption, we took in the sights of Manila. We walked to the aquarium through Rizal park and spent a lovely afternoon. At the aquarium we took part in the 'foot spa'. This is the name given for massive pools of water wherein "Dr. Fish" eagerly await your freshly cleaned tootsies andhoover them smooth - one of my funnier experiences, especially given how ticklish I am. Whether or not I got my money's worth is debatable since I probably only succeeded in keeping my feet submerged for about 3 of the 20 minutes.

We also checked out the old Fort Santiago, which is the preserved and walled-in old city. It was cool to see how small the city was before Manila blew up into what it is now. We walked the whole perimeter in well under an hour.

The Good.

Korea was nice enough to schedule their Thanksgiving Holiday such as to allot us silly Waygooks another week's vacation. It seemed as though it would have been rude not to take advantage, so me and some of the coolest foreigners in the country fled to the Philippines.

4 out of the 8 days were spent on paradise. Assuming that I am bound for heaven at death, death will actually be redundant seeing as how I've already been there. For realz. I've been lucky in my life: I've traveled a good majority of the Caribbean and seen a lot of its beauty in brief. Nothing that I have seen in terms of beaches before can even touch Boracay. I'm not saying that pockets of what I've seen of the Caribbean haven't been as breathtaking - but I will say this: Boracay is an island measuring 9km long and 1km across. The whole thing is pristine.

We arrived in the evening and made a beeline for the beach. Walking into the water, we can see our feet and the fish we are startling. This is in the dark. After the sun goes down, the water is still so clear and clean that the visibility isn't compromised. Also, it feels like bath water. More like how bath water would feel if you were a god and your shower curtain was the most picturesque scene imaginable. There could not have been a better way to start our stay on Boracay and it proved perfectly indicative of things to come as this is how our stay on the island ended.

How's that for perfect symmetry?

So for starters we met up with the rest of the foreigners that were on Boracay and we went for some island hopping. This covered some cave swimming, some snorkeling, and lunch - all on a private boat. Not bad for under $20 per person for a full 6 some-odd hour day. A few days later, we had the same kind of deal put together, but this one was with cliff jumping as a primary objective. It was unbelievable. And, not taking anything away from my sweet times jumping off pirate ships in the 'Ppines or Antigua with my 2nd family, nothing compares to a 50 foot drop off a cliff. That's when your insides truly get acquainted with your bathing suit bottoms. Luckily, I have the mummy position down when I enter the water. For me, it's a necessity just to keep the bathing suit top on. Especially with waters as clear as these, I wasn't going to take any chances. So, I escaped primarily unscathed. I'm not going to pretend that jumping that height into water was a great choice with my sinus infection, but what's done is done. Not everyone had my sweet technique down and some people got a bruised tailbone in the deal, but I doubt they regret the experience as a whole, even if it is only because it's long since healed.
On top of these two day trips, we just got a lot of solid beach time in on one of the best beaches in the world. We also got massages on the beach which got interrupted mid-way but some tropical rain - Jumangi style. No worries though, the massages continued and though they might have been slightly less enjoyable with the pelting rain, I'm sure they will be remembered all the more vividly by all involved as a result.

Trois

So, following my brush with hardcore crime, I continued my adventures in Vietnam with little difficulty thanks to fantastic friends and agreeable Scotiabank Visa employees.


Also, Vietnam is pretty cheap. I ate like a king for the remainder of my time in the fair country despite my having been rendered essentially impoverished by normal standards. The average price of some of the best meals of my life ran about 3 dollars. None too shabby.

Another rather affordable aspect of Vietnam seems to be anything tourism related. While in Hanoi I took in a handful of museums and a water puppet show, all for under 20 bucks combined. Hell, we even stopped in to pay Ho Chi Mhin a visit. He looks well, though his aesthetician may have had a heavy hand with the botox. Hardiharharhar. What I want to know is how anyone can presume to know whether or not what is believed to be the preserved Ho Chi Mhin isn't just a wax statue.

We also hit a museum that was dedicated to exploring the different ethnologic components of Vietnam and area. This might have been my favourite educational part of the whole trip. The whole museum was really well done and it even had a pretty big open-air exhibit portion where we got to see all the different kinds of lodgings for these dfferent groups of people. My favourite was a structure that was elevated and had a floor that was made of scarcely spaced bamboo shoots with thinner pieces of bamboo and other foliage thrown over it. It was pretty unnerving walking across it, but the fact that I didn't go crashing through the floor was the justification I used to treat myself to about 5 different entrees at dinner that night.


So, really, my being robbed didn't even effect my quality of life while in Vietnam. It only disallowed me from buying my weight in silk, which is tragic. I still managed to score a few scarves and some bathrobes that would make Hef himself rather jealous.

Deux

Once back on dry land following our tour of Ha Long Bay and stay on Castaway Island, we settle back into the hostel. It is then that I treated myself, and those around me, by showering for the first time in four days. Don't get me wrong, I've gone longer without showering, and likely will again, but it's different when it is a sauna outside and you've been swimming in water that is not un-clean for days on end. See what I did there? The old double negative.

Having napped on and off on the bus back to Hanoi, les filles and I feel up to a "night out." We head to an Irish bar in downtown Hanoi. By the way, if there is one thing these past few months has taught me, it's that the Irish are such infamous drinkers as to have drinking establishments made in their likeness all around the world - even where there are no actual Irish present. WHAT A LEGACY!

Halfway through our night, we are "encouraged" by the police to partake in a change of venue. Fair. Who are we to argue seeing as how we don't speak Vietnamese? So we pour into the street outside the bar. It is then that things took a turn for the impoverished. The bar that we were to be going to provided cabs for people to encourage their business. While debating whether or not Lazer and I should get in a cab or go on the back of Rian's bike. It was in the moment of choosing 'taxi' that Marc Prymack inadvertently robbed me of around 400 bones and caused me a lot of hassle. Was it not for me having promised him to never get on the back of a guy's motorcylce....in Vietnam...in flip flops..etc... I would still have my wallet. But, I might also have road rash. Such is the nature of most gambles.

So, we are left as the last silly, foreign, white girls outside this bar. We are ushered towards a cab. We are forced inside. I am relieved of my wallet by two nice Vietnamese youth on motorcycles. My street cred skyrockets - D*Pryme's rap EP drops this Holiday Season.

Good mornings, afternoons, evenings, and nights...save 1.

I recently went to Vietnam, and a lot went down. And I am a lazy blogger. As such, there will be several entries through which I will attempt to impart the bulk of my experience there. Because this is the first, and because of Vietnam's historical intertwinings with the French, I shall label this entry "un."



I went to Vietnam with some of the best girls that I've met since leaving Canada. In real life, my four travel companions are likely some of the best ladies in the world. We left Incheon airport and set out for Hanoi, Vietnam by was of Guangzhou, China. Any of you who have met me, or my father, know how I feel about China. Our negative feelings were confirmed, by the way. Maybe confirmed is a harsh and definitive word and in its place I should use "reinforced". Nonetheless, during our layovers there, we were exposed to not a lot more than 6 dollar water, terrible food, and msg in mass quantities. Also, the bathrooms scared me...and I live in Korea....where people line up to use the squatters even if a regular seat-type-toilet is available.

Once in Hanoi, it was smooth sailing. You see, it turns out I'm an adult, and I booked ahead to have a shuttle to come collect us from the airport and bring us to the Hostel. Hanoi Backpackers' Hostel is a gem, by the way. And I would know. We spent the whole week either staying at the hostel, or on tours organized through it. Straight away after our first Vietnamese night's sleep, we head out on a 4 day, 3 night tour of Ha Long Bay. The name of the tour in question is "Rock long, rock hard tour of Ha Long Bay". Touche! For under 200 bones, we spend 1 night aboard a ship on the bay itself and 2 nights sleeping in huts on a secluded island therein. I should mention for boasting's sake that this measly fee also covered all meals over the course of the trip, as well as water sports (like banana boatin!!) and kayaking.


The above photo is gold because it shows Lazer, myself, and Stiff all riding like it's stolen long after the other 5 have fallen off. It was around this time that we became known as 'Team Korea' among other members of the tour as well as the hostel staff. We also received many compliments on our chopstick skills. Go figure.



Having been dubbed Team Korea, we took it upon ourselves to educate some of the other foreigners in the ways of Korea. My friend Marie 'Mum' Wilson has an app on her iPhone that provides her with a new Korean word every day. One fateful day, the word in question was 넓적다리 (pronounced: hi-bok-chee). This means thigh. Of course, as with many of Marie's 'words of the day', we thought we'd never come to use it before forgetting it again. How wrong we were. In a moment of brilliance, we craft a game by the same name. The game proceeds much like tag, but everyone is it. All the time. Basically, you go up to whomever you want, breath heavily and obviously onto your palm before yelling "HIIIIIBOKCHEEE" and bringing your hand crashing, palm-down, onto someone's thigh. Points if it's unexpected. Extra points if it leaves a mark. This spreads like wildfire and we have everyone believing that this is a traditional game in Korea - to be fair, it is not nearly as random as some of the actual Korean games of old. I really do pity the fool that recalls and acts on our words of wisdom that, should they ever come to Korea, a surefire way to impress and garner acceptance if not free drinks is to bust an enthusiastic thigh slap on the nearest ajumma.