Servicee

In English, service can mean a lot of things. If English is your first language, you can vouch for me when I say that none of these various meanings is synonymous with "free." Think again, chingus! Here in the Land of the Morning Calm, it means just that. When first I experienced this bastardized form of the word it was in a context that was confusing as all hell. It was at a Korean BBQ restaurant and a waiter brought a few bottles of Cider over to my table saying "servicee". I thought: no subtlety there, this young buck thinks he's giving excellent service and is pointing it out in the hopes of a tip, fair enough. I mean, before leaving for Korea I had read enough sources to indicate that the Korean grasp on nuance wasn't the most developed. However, I had read and heard form the same sources that tipping in Korea was a faux pas. How worldly this young gentleman must then be to be extorting a foreigner for gratuities! Not. The. Case. In reality, we were being given free cider. A welcome alternative and a great welcome to Korea!

Such random acts of servicee (herein after referred to as RAS) have peppered my time here. It will happen when you least expect it and oftentimes the items that are doled out as servicee are completely random and often of no relation to the situation or the purchase pre-cursing it. In Canada, sometimes when the gas station overcharges you for a bottle of water, they will throw in a free chocolate bar. Bonus! Maybe it will be beyond its allocated shelflife and the kind shopkeeper thinks that the bottle of water will be just the thing to wash it down. These two items are related. In Korea, maybe you'll run into a Ministop to replenish your beer supply and BANG; RAS! Tuna. A single can. Beer and tuna would be hard to associate using even the '7 degrees of Kevin Bacon' method! Never mind the fact that I was, on the occasion in question, in the midst of drinking said beers at the quaint table and chairs just beyond the doors of the Ministop. I mean, the cashier knew I wasn't going home. And if her intention was that I eat it with my beer, she might have been so kind as to provide me with disposable chopsticks like she did that one time when I bought yogurt. On that particular day I received two counts of RAS to the tune of the aforementioned chopsticks and the subsequent lip slivers.

So, yes. This falls under the "Things I will miss" section of the final countdown. When at home I begin being denied free upgrades and random items after shooting people a profile highlighting my 'high nose' or making my biggest 'round eyes', I simply don't know what I'll do.
I mean, I have not paid for toilet paper this year! And it's always been the classy, scented, animated kind. You know, the kind that's been long outlawed in North America for irritating a certain delicate pH balance, if you know what I mean. If you don't, that's cool too. Probably for the best. Vaginas are weird. I mean...

'glamour' and 'maybe' according to Koreans.

Ah, Korea. True, they are the Asian country that spends the most per-capita on English education. However, they remain the least proficient. This is evident in the way that the sign outside my very classroom is misspelled. Expanding on this idea, let me educate you further on English's standing in this here country. For starters, there are some English words that Koreans all know. Words like: cute (pronounced cutie), beautiful (pronounced beautipuhr), love (pronounced luh-be), and so on. While these words are often mispronounced, the understanding of their meaning is on target. Such is NOT the case with the following words in particular: 'glamour' and 'maybe.'

Okay, believe it or don't, it is first necessary that you know how important volleyball is here. School is let out early on Wednesdays for it. Here it is important that you know that Koreans REALLY like school. So, yeah. Big deal. Lucky me! I am literally the closest thing to Kobe Bryant that my school has ever seen in terms of athletic ability. When I dove for the first time, my principal's heart may have literally stopped. Okay, now be amazed as I link volleyball to the topic of glamour.

Turns out, I got to Korea just in time to play in the ultimate Yeosu-wide volleyball showdown. Sweet. We get team jerseys for said showdown. Also sweet. Along comes a shy Korean woman on the volleyball team to explain to me the school-wide concern about me having a shirt that would fit. Direct quote: "You not fat....just...you so glamourous." Looking beyond the obvious best-news-ever (I'm not fat by Korean standards! woooot, woot!) I am told, largely via gesturing, that 'glamour' means boobs. Straight. Up. The day I learned that this indeed was the Korean interpretation of the word was the day that I started hearing that word eevvvvvverrrywhere I went. To be fair, in Korea, Calista Flockhart might be 'glamourous' by Korean standards. Cutting to the chase - the shirt they ordered me was an XL. It is shown above. It was still a crop-top when I served, blocked, hit, or breathed. Win.

Moving on from 'glamour' to 'maybe.' Basically, in Korea is means 'yes.' Pretty much absolutely, at that. Even though it is said with an upward inflection at the end. It can be terribly misleading.

"Do I have to pay my own bills?" "Maybe?"

"Can I go now then?" "Maybe?"

......shuffle awkwardly out the door.