Back to school, back to school, to prove to mom I'm not a fool.

Welcome, March 2nd; the first day of a new school year in Korea! It's a new season and there is a fresh batch of grade 7 boys who welcome me to the school with screams as though they are all Justin Bieber fans and that I am the Bieby himself.

If only cowbell could cure this particular fever.

This, first day of the 2011 school year, was full of fun things. Some of which fall into the "Things I Will Miss" category while other things (and people) will belong in the "Things I Won't Miss" column. I will of course miss the waygook-fever and the fact that my new Vice Principal is an ex-English teacher who will understand me when I am sent to him with all of my questions and concerns by a co-teacher whose biggest job seems to be saying "oh, really?" whenever I tell her that I don't speak Korean. To her credit, she does this rather well.

I will not miss the incomprehensible lack of logic and/or organization that characterizes my daily life in a Public Korean Middle School. No, no I can't tell what my schedule is after sitting in on the staff meeting conducted entirely in Korean; no, no I don't think that it is a good idea to replace the only English computer in the school with a Korean one the day that school starts and leave the boxes from the new one and remnants of the old one strewn about the English lab. Yes, yes I do think that the previously mentioned action renders my desk-warming time, during which I was supposed to plan this semester's classes, even more useless than its very name suggests. Everything that I saved on that computer is obviously gone, baby, gone. And, though I honestly didn't do any planning over the break, I had 10 months of powerpoints and lessons from last year on it, so I'm still chalking it up as a loss. A huge one. One that might drive me to drink.

It seems worth mentioning that as of 5 p.m. on this, the fateful first day of a whole new year, I have yet to be given any direction as to what I am supposed to be doing today, this week, or the rest of the year. I have missed lunch because there are no bells today since the schedule is different. Isn't a different schedule a good reason to employ the use of bells? No, probably not. After missing lunch, I got a call on my hand pone from my co-worker (not co-teacher, never my co-teacher) asking where I was and saying that he was looking for me. Cool. You know where he didn't look? The only place that I ever am. Bitch ain't got nothing on Nancy.

drip, drip, drop

So, this one time, when my friend from home was visiting:

We were slightly sleep deprived and very much used to spending time on buses. During one such bus trip, while on the way to Gwangju from Yeosu (a common leg, for me), we fell asleep for the majority of the trip. I was awoken, rather rudely, while Becca slept on beside me. As for what woke me up, there is no delicate way to put it. I was woken up by the sound of a constant stream of urine being expelled by the man next to me into a plastic bag. In his defense, I think he thought I was sleeping; I was wearing shades, after all. In my defense, I was not sleeping, and ewwwwwwwww.

Absence makes the heart grow...indifferent?

Though I must say that I had initial reservations about my ability to maintain a blog, I will admit that I harboured hope that I might become addicted to it like I am internet television. Wrong. My apologies to the few (father...) people who attempt to keep tabs on me by following my blog. Turns out you keep up with it more than I. I will now, for the umpteenth time since undertaking this blog, promise to try to do better. You know, for the 2 months that I have left.

Speaking of the 2 months I have left - I ONLY HAVE TWO MONTHS LEFT! What gives, Father Time; you sneaky, speedy bitch? In all fairness, one could hardly argue that I did nothing to speed it along as I have crammed a hell of a lot of Korea into my year here, taking less than 3 weekends off in the whole of the year. It is my shock that I have mustered such stamina at my ripe, old age that causes me to brag about such numbers. Proudly, I have not said 'no' to a weekend's festivities due to dwindling funds or lengthy bus rides to and from. Not once. As a result, I have seen a lot of Korea and a lot more of Asia than I thought would be possible with the relatively limited amount of vacation days that I am granted in my contract. Have I lost a lot of sleep? Yes. Have I slept in ill-advised places? Yes.

Have I gone against doctors' orders and boarded an air-conditioned bus while suffering pneumonia just to make it to a Tigers' game and be busted by my school by being on TV? Yes.

Am I positive that photos of mine and my friends' shenanigans will land us on a promotional banner or website for one of the festivals we ravaged? Quite.

Will these same photos be sufficient in foiling my plans of running for office in the future? Most definitely.

While it is all well and good to applaud myself for the life I've squeezed in to the past 10+ months, all I can focus on is what I need to cram into these next 2. For example, I need to post entries on this here bloog about my trips to Malaysia and Indonesia. I also need to show my big brosephine a hella good time during his short stay here and then regroup for my parents' arrival at the end of my contract. I also need to log face time with the friends I have made over the course of the past year. A certain couple of ladies have either kept me from losing my sanity or lost theirs right along with me; allowing me to remain sane, at least comparatively. Mercifully, these two lovelies are both from Canada and I have little doubt that I will see them again in the future, though likely not as soon or as often as I would like. As for the other people that I have met and not hated, I think I should see them in the future as well, both the Canadians and otherwise. The Canadians because I travel the True North Strong and Free side-to-side a good deal, and those from abroad because I live in the world's best country and who wouldn't want to visit? Jerks, that's who.

Going back to the beginning of this entry where I halfheartedly promise to be more (at all) vigilant about updating this beginner’s blog: from now on, I am just going to enter little anecdotes about Korea and label them as things that I will either miss, or not miss, about Korea.

Number 1:

I will miss the way cabbies see foreign fares as a way of getting free English lessons.

This particular point falls under both headings because sometimes this situation is awesome and sometimes it makes me want to tuck and roll out the cab, ya' heard? It is awesome when the cabbie in question already speaks a tiny bit of English and tries to communicate with you and prompt you for pointers on pronunciation while you struggle through his/her valiant attempt at actual verbal exchange. It is terrible then the cabbie in question speaks no English, asks if you speak Korean, to which you respond "no," all while becoming increasingly heated while yelling at you in Korean and asking for English translations. To premise, I maintain that Hangul really is the German of Asian languages and whatever it is that he or she is saying sound a lot like threats and verbal attacks.

Christmas in Korea

December 25th, 2010.

This is the day that marked the first Christmas that was not spent with my family. The first Christmas that all 5 Prymacks were not celebrating together. I must admit that I do see some satisfaction in the fact that I was the first one to miss a Christmas at home. Not because I wouldn't have preferred to be home with everyone, just because I think that it would have been harder to be home and have one of my other family members absent. Especially since I had long been preparing myself for this since it seemed inevitable with an older brother in the military and a younger brother constantly jet-setting around the world for to fight with swords. For me, it was as though Christmas didn't exist. Korea doesn't celebrate Christmas, so there were scarcely reminders except for the Christmas movies that I watched on my laptop and the Hanson Christmas album that I listened to on my laptop. To be fair, I do both of these things year-round if we are counting Love Actually as a Christmas movie.

My Christmas was celebrated in a way that allows for many a parallel to be found with the way I celebrate at home. And here's why:

1) I ate until I felt sick

2)I drank before noon

3)I was in great company

4)I wore pajamas for most of the day

5)I got to watch my family open their presents thanks, skype!

It was dissimilar also, obviously. And here's how:

1)There was no turkey

2)There were no hugs from my family sad face

3)There was no egg nog

4)I took my friend to a Korean hospital where she was outfitted with a Darth Vader-esque mask for her sweet bronchitis/former smoker's cough

So, as I said, we did not eat turkey. Tragic, though it was, we did manage to eat until we felt sick. Which I always find to be a sign of a job well-done. What we DID do was produce a spectacular college-student-grade feast featuring pasta with chicken and mushroom sauce. This dish was partially produced in a kettle. We also had a salad. We also had more cheese than I would ever advise. And nuts. And fruit. AND OLIVES. So, I was happy. I was even happier since there is photographic evidence of me wearing a Santa beard for the duration. Both as a beard and as a sweet eyebrow-hair statement - an obvious nod to Einstein.

Perhaps the most touching part of all of the festivities was when a song featuring the lyrics 'Christmas in Korea's a new one for me. Trading your sleigh for a Jeep...' came on in the midst of our exchanging of Secret Santa stockings. Le Tear.

Countdown to Christmas 2011 has begun.

Joanie Loves Chachi

The Korean word for penis is pronounced 'Chachi;' written as 자지. On a related note, the first episode of 'Joanie loves Chachi' that aired in Korea was the highest rated show of ever.

Another fun fact: in English, we often refer to the more bulbous and spherical components of male genetalia as 'balls,' 'nuts,' or even 'jewels.' Well aren't we clever. Maybe we are clever, but we are surely not as creative as the Korean masses. Their slang for these same body parts equates to 'fire eggs' when translated directly.

In an effort to appeal to both sexes, I will include in this entry the fact that a woman's period is called 'magic day' here in Korea...magic indeed if it were to last but one day. There is also a brand of feminine hygiene products that goes by this name: Abracadabra.

Puck off, North Korea!

So, I got to Korea just in time for the hullaballoo that was the missile attack on the South Korean freighter by North Korea. Since then, it has been mostly smooth sailing and I've stopped thinking that all of the loud Korean announcements on the street (usually about sales on fruit) are telling me to seek shelter from a nuke sent to us with love from Kim Jong-Il. However, as of early last week, tensions are high again since the adult baby known as Kim Jong Il decided to open fire on some unsuspecting and undeserving South Korean soldiers. In all, 4 were killed (to my knowledge); 2 soldiers and 2 civilians. How rude, Lil' Kim. Since this most recent incident, the world seems to have gotten a little carried away. And by world, I mean media. As someone currently living in South Korea, I can tell you that the atmosphere is little affected. Yeah, it is a serious matter, and yes, some international attention is merited. Also, I will be checking my e-mail more regularly for potential word form the Canadian Embassy telling me to get the puck out of here. My point is just that, all things considered, it is not that big of a deal. It is by no means the first time something like this has happened and all of my Korean friends assure me that it is of no concern of ours, especially since we are so far south.

I think at this point that the media, especially foreign media, are just as guilty of war-mongering as the "Shining Star of Paektu Mountain." So, for all of those who think that I am dead in South Korea, I am not. Take a load off. Why not indulge in a sip of soju and chuckle at this lighthearted gem.



Disclaimer: I plan on deleting this entry altogether if we get nuked.

Busan International Fireworks Festival

Okay. So, in Korea, they use "international" as an adjective in the names of pretty much any festival, no matter how strictly intranational...which isn't a word but I hope it comes across as meaning the opposite of international. Perfect. Usually, this causes some disappointment. Such was not the case at all with Busan's International Fireworks Festival. I was far from disappointed as I sat on Gwangali beach with over a million other people watching the sky light up as various continents/countries did their best to woo us with a sweet show of fire working. The show was scheduled to start at 8, we were there more than 2 hours early and the beach itself had been claimed. Me and my posse of 10 or so champions claimed a wee slice of the sidewalk between the beach and the road as our very own. By the time the actual show was to start, the street bordering the sand directly, as well as the ones meeting it, were legitimately fullof people. Behold the fire, as it works.

Europe was the most impressive in my opinion, as they lit up the entire mother licking bridge in sweet symphony with the classical music that was accompanying their display. You'll all be happy to know that of the two songs that we were supposed to identify as American was one sweet Disney ditty.


The only time I felt less than positively giddy throughout the whole time was when, as and after the crowd dispersed, there was the most offensive amount of refuse left on the beach and the street bordering it. I'm sure this would have been the case anywhere because of the sheer bulk of people, but Korea's failure to get on the public trash can bandwagon pains me. Pains me good. All was not ruined though, the rest of the night had nothing but good things in store as all of the party people who had witnessed the festivities lingered on the beach for merriment and poor decision-making.